episode transcript
Normally when I do a session I will do the session and then record the notes afterwards, but I'm sort of getting the nudge to record it as it's happening because there's specific stuff that's happening that I need to make sure that I don't miss. That's the feeling that I'm getting, so we're going to try this out. We'll see how it goes. I will also try to edit out the blank space as I do stuff just in case. That's something that happens, but to start everything off, I pulled a card to see what the theme of this session overall would be as it relates to your intention of healing the stuff that's ready to be healed for your highest good, but also related to the rape energy that's that's been around you. The card that I pulled is the King of Wands Reversed and you are very good at tarot, so I will let you also kind of pull your own interpretation, but I did want to read what this specific deck I'm using is... the Radiant Wilds Tarot and this is the meaning of the card reverse, which instead of calling it reversed, it calls it shadow. Be careful not to dismiss others for not matching your exact set of skills in a shared endeavor, especially if you're in a position of power. Asking too much of others will only negatively impact your vision. Stay realistic in what you demand. Everyone comes with a different set of experiences in power, so rather than holding others to your own standards, measure them against their individual potential. Find what it is they do best and give them the freedom to just do that. As a leader, this is your responsibility. When you empower others to live up to their highest promise, magic will manifest. We are all simultaneously teachers and students, while guiding others learn from what's not working and continue to improve your methods of collaboration. Keep evolving with your vision. And so, the way that I feel this card plays into it is probably more specifically with
forgiveness energy. When I think of forgiveness, you know, I've heard the word a million gajillion times my whole life. And it wasn't until Oprah said her definition of forgiveness when it finally clicked to me like Oh yeah, I I can vibe with that. That makes more sense to me than Bestowing upon someone my forgiveness or whatever. Something I'm still working on. But. When Oprah talks about forgiveness, it's about letting go of the past so you don't have to carry it anymore. It literally has nothing to do with the other person. It just has to do with this moment in time and letting it go so you can move forward. And that's why forgiveness is so powerful, because it's like shedding the weight of it. And so it's almost like what we'll be going through is forgiveness work. The way that I see trauma, a lot of the time, is as a marble but steel. It's so heavy, a marble with a moment of time imprinted onto it that's kind of on a loop. And so forgiveness is really just like letting go of those marbles. And sometimes we collect those marbles because we don't have the space to really process it to release it, and sometimes we collect the marbles as protection to like make sure that it doesn't happen again. But these marbles carry a weight to them that like... I almost see it the way that Einstein's relativity is, where space-time is like a sheet and then you put this heavy marble on the sheet and it creates a little dip in space-time and that is what creates gravity. So these moments in time have gravity in our timelines and it tends to attract other moments like this. And so it feels like what we'll spend some time doing is releasing these moments in time. The path to that release or to that forgiveness is kind of... not letting people off the hook, but letting people be where they're at, however messy and whatever else it may be. But more than that, I think it's about letting people be where they're at while still allowing you
to be where you're at. I know it can be really easy to judge ourselves like, "Well, if these are the people or these are the events that are orbiting around me, then what does that say about me and my vibration, or my frequency or who I am?" Or, "Am I attracting this because of XYZ?" And so yeah. It's less about honoring other people where they're at but, but also like letting people be where they're at while allowing yourself to go as high up in the sky as as you belong. Like, don't feel like you have to orbit in a certain level, because of where other people are at. Go where you are. OK, so that's the card. I start the healing by creating a container and the container is is where we meet. It's kind of like a Meadow. I think of that Rumi poem: There's a place beyond right and wrong. I've heard people describe it as like a quantum container or like the astral plane. An aspect of me and an aspect of you meets there. Now, every container starts like an acrylic hurricane that you would put a candle inside and whoever I'm working with creates the shape of what happens in that container. It always happens in the middle of space. And so, right away I put the little container in space and let's ground it up and plug it into source and we're going to call in energies that will help stabilize it. And this is really interesting. So your container immediately becomes a ball of fire. You feel like you're ready to go through the fire. Like you're going to have to burn through things. You're going to have to walk through the fire to get to the other side of whatever this healing is. And when we're up close and just outside of the container, yeah, that's what it looks like. It looks like we're gonna have to walk through a fire to get inside. But when you zoom out, it's actually not a fire, it's a star. It's a star. It's a whole star. It has, like the sun, the solar flares. There's all these explosions on the outside as a star is a ball of fire. So it's almost like we're being shown to give... yeah, it may feel like walking through the fire, but actually you're stepping into your star. Like, you are a star and let's enter your space. It's not about a trial or a trial by fire, but it's about expanding and exploding onto the scene. Once we get this shift in perspective, we go inside the container and inside of the container, it looks like heaven. It looks like Shangri-La. This actually looks like when I went to heaven on ayahuasca. It it's like floating utopia. There's green and flowing water and space cars. It's an idealistic vision of the future, like glass buildings or crystal buildings. It's really beautiful. And when we get there, there's a version of you that's already sitting cross-legged in the center of a labyrinth. I guess it's a spiral. You're sitting at the center of a spiral. There's a Lotus flower and you're floating on the Lotus flower in meditation just perfectly connected to everything around you. And when I first get there, I think that's you too. Until I see you enter the container. You see this version of yourself and so you walk up, you're a little more apprehensive. This version of you on the Lotus flower is Zen the F out. But you're like, Am I? What is this place? Is that me? This is a little trippy. You walk up to her, you go to touch her, and she's a hologram. And so, in a way, when she like glitches or disappears for a second when you try to touch her or connect with her, it almost feels like she's elusive. This version of you feels elusive to you. But really this version of you is timeless. And this version of you is sitting here holding space.
She is you. She's an aspect of you. She's always here with you. She's not a part of you that you need to find or discover. She's a part of you that you just need to remember and you know, remembering is much easier said than done. And so normally when I see two versions of a person in the same space, it's a clue to me that we're going to integrate those two aspects of yourself. A lot of times you can just sit in her lap. I see that ultimately you're going to sit in her lap and then you'll become one. You'll integrate with each other and that's where we're headed in this healing. But before we can integrate the two of you, we've got to release a little bit of density. There's some weight that you're carrying around that is ready to be released and it'll lighten you up in a way where you can just float on up on the Lotus flower. Oh my God. The image that I'm being shown right now is almost like... You know the Egyptian story of you have to have your heart weighed. And if your heart's lighter than a feather, then you can cross over to the afterlife. Or whatever. You go on to the afterlife or something. It almost feels like that, like we need to lighten your heart. Lighter than a feather. And then you'll be able to integrate with this version of you, which is almost... I mean you're in heaven. This container is heaven. So it's about bringing heaven on Earth. But the pathway to bringing heaven on Earth is by making your heart light. And to do that, we release. We release, we release. We release moments in time and we release beliefs. We release programming. We shed it all, right? So, there's lots of ways we can do this, and the way that's calling right now is... It's almost like once you realize that you have to shed some stuff to integrate with this part of you, you're like, "Ohhhh, like this stuff?" And you have an armful of... I wouldn't call it junk, but you know... Yeah, like junk. Some of it's broken stuff. Some of it's perfectly good stuff. But it's like the stuff that you would give away to Goodwill. Like, you would collect a bunch of stuff going "Oh, I guess I don't need this. This isn't this version of me" and clean your house. And so it's funny because we're not going to your house to clear this stuff. You're like, literally carrying it with you. You're like, "Oh, that's no problem. I've got it right here with me!" We're going to have to release this and once you realize that, you set out some blankets and you set out the junk, all your stuff. Stuff. Actually, we're going to call it junk. I don't know why it wants to be called junk, but it's not gross. It's like kitchen stuff that I would go by at the Goodwill. But we're not going to a Goodwill. You want to have a yard sale. We're not just throwing it into the fire to release it. We're not letting it go or whatever. You you set up-in heaven! You set up these blankets and set it out and you're like, "Let's do a yard sale. And really, it's this feeling of, you know, you have all of this stuff and you are ready to let it go. But it's almost like a part of you want to make it worth something. It needs to be worth something. It's one thing to throw something in the trash, and it's another thing to put it out there and see if someone else will will take it. It's almost like like you're waiting for someone else to find value in it. Not that you're waiting for someone else, like because, again, you're not reaching out to people. I don't see you reaching out to people. You're standing exactly where you are. You have all this junk. And the feeling is like... "Will you please buy this? Will you please take this? Isn't this beautiful? Can someone please see that this is beautiful? Can someone see that? This is value? I don't want this to go to waste." "I don't want this to go to waste. I need to know that this was worth something." And you know, that's like a big... It brings up a lot of grief in me. I really relate to this feeling. I know people who are really good at scrambling and like, "oh, they really need some validation." And so they validate by reaching out to people and like, "See me! See me! Do you see me? Is it this great? Do you see me?" They're reaching out to people. But instead, I always relate to this feeling like the world is spinning past me and I'm still. I'm motionless and I just want someone to notice that I've stopped moving. And so that's kind of what it feels like too. I just want someone to notice this beautiful stuff. Before I let it go. Something that I have been shown that wants to come through to you right now is this feeling that... You know, I don't like to waste anything. It's very hard for me to waste something. I will repurpose something a million times just to to avoid throwing it away. But the moment it happens is the moment that the waste happens, like the moment we buy the tchotchke is the moment that it becomes waste. And keeping it any amount of time longer does not stop the waste. It becomes the thing that we're trying to avoid all the way at the moment we purchase it and so it's almost like these aspects of you, some of it feels like events and the events are like little snow globes. You have like a whole thing of snow globes, and they're little moments in time. Places. And then there's a rack of clothing, and that feels like identities. And a lot of this is going to show up as simple. So please, if you have some interpretation, really, whatever instinctively you feel the interpretation of the symbol is is ultimately for you to project onto because these images are for you. You might relate more to this than I could. And I'm just trying to make sense of it. So please feel free... if you feel anything to to take that definition over anything I say. So yeah, there's a rack of clothing. There's snow globes. There's shoes. But shoes that aren't even your shoes. I see men's shoes, like business shoes or loafers. There's chairs. I almost see office chairs, but missing a wheel. There are toys. There's picture frames, but the pictures are still in it, so the picture frames still feel like moments in time. The men's shoes feels like inherited stuff, almost because it doesn't feel like a lover or someone who's your age, but someone who's a lot older than you and stuff that you've kind of kept. And it's not even just pairs of shoes. There are single shoes. But you still want it to be worth something. And the way that it's worth something is if someone else picks it up. If someone else gives you money or says, "Oh yeah, here's the value in this." But. This all comes back to: It is worth something because it's yours. It is worth something because it happened and it had value. It always have value whether you hold on to it or not, because the thing that you get to carry away from it is the meaning. The object itself doesn't mean anything. But the meaning that you get from it, even the memory, all that is stored somewhere in your subconscious, in the Akashic records. And so, yeah, you don't have to carry the weight of it to continue to have the meaning of it. So, we're going to have to close down this yard sale because all it's going to do is perpetuate a story. And it's this story of "Other people don't see the value of my stuff. Again, it's not for them to value. We decorate our homes for us and yeah, we want to invite people in and for people to appreciate it. But ultimately, at the end of the day, we have this stuff in the 1st place for our own treasure as our own appreciation and whatever. And so. Yeah, if we were to continue the yard sale version, it's like, "Oh, people don't see value in my stuff," or "It's only valuable if I can turn it into something else. If I can let it go with something in return." But no, we we need to just throw it all in the garbage and in the energetic realm, that happens to be a fire. So we're gonna make a big old bonfire, but instead of just throwing it all in there, we're gonna Marie Kondo it. We're going to give you a moment to appreciate the objects, so it's almost like you gotta hug it and say "Thank you." Yeah, you're picking up each one thinking of the moment of in time. Each time you hold it and you think of the moment, it's like this bubble appears on top of you with this moment in time. Oh, this is interesting. So normally when I see moments in time, I told you about these marbles, they're like steel marbles. They have a lot of gravity. But doing this Kondo exercise where you appreciate the object, instead of a heavy marble, it's showing up like a bubble. And a bubble is so weightless it could just float away or pop and disappear. Right? And so it's almost like this gratitude makes it a lot lighter. I never saw it that way, but it makes sense. Yeah, you're just picking up each object and it's bringing up memories. And some objects have just one bubble that shows up one moment in time that it's connected to, and some objects have a lot. OK, we're going to do all the light stuff 1st and then we're going to move to the heavier stuff. OK, so you're thinking it throwing it into the fire. OK, so now we've got some heavier stuff and there's a pair of shoes, a pair of men's shoes. And they're not a pair of shoes anymore. They've become this bronze statue. And it almost feels like a Confederate statue, but it's a pair of shoes. I don't know why, but it's that kind of feeling. Confederate statues feel like a moment of history that we're remembering, but it's like, should we be honoring this? But I guess it's better to honor it because it happened, but do we need this statue? And so, yeah, that's the the feeling I'm getting from this pair of shoes. And it's almost like it's funny that it's a pair of shoes because we don't get to see the person. It's not the shape of their body. It's not their face. It's not a statue of the person, it's just a pair of shoes. They're untied too. So I don't know if that means anything, but every time I see this pair of shoes, they're... I think they're called wing tips. They're brown wing tips, and they're untied. Every time I see them. Even the bronzed version of it, the shoelaces, are untied and to the side like it feels like very specific. We don't need to know who this person is. Ultimately, we don't need to know the shape of them. It's almost like this shoe is is the symbol of whatever this energy or this memory is, and I guess it could be a past life version of you. It almost feels like it's a past life that's carried over into this one. Oh, we're going to open a portal. OK. So. What you're doing is you're stepping onto the statue and into this pair of shoes. What it's doing is it's transporting us. It becomes a portal that takes us to this past life. And you have untied shoes. Yeah, it's a version of you. He's a sad, lonely man. He's walking down the street with his untied shoes and he's a little bit hunched over, staring at the ground. It feels like life is hard. He's in a suit, but it feels like it doesn't fit him properly. He's viewing people from a distance. Like he doesn't know how to interact with them. OK. And what he really needs is not just to be seen, but he needs someone to shake his hand. To touch his hand. And to feel touched and to feel held in a way that is respectful. It feels like he doesn't know how to be touched with respect or tenderness. Or reverence. And that's what he needs. It's what he's been craving since he was a baby. And So what we're doing is we're going to let him walk down the street and someone notices him. It's an Angel. And that Angel's just going, "Hey, I think I know you," and then shakes his hands. And it's one of those handshakes where it's holding both sides of the hand, like "Oh hey, good to see you." Like a hug of the hands. And they're going to have a conversation, and it's going to bring a lot of respect and validation and contact. It's an intimacy. Even among strangers, just like, "I see you're here. You exist. You're present." Ok. We're going to let this man, this version of you in a past life, root down deep into the ground and the earth supplies more of this feeling of respect. And this "I see you" energy goes up through the roots and nourishes him and it changes his posture. This one person noticing him changes his posture. And so it's slowly changing the way that he's moving through the world. And so that also changes the way the world sees him. It's almost like this resentment of not being seen. It's hurtful. It's a lot of grief. And then there's a layer of resentment about it that just washes away from this one person. And it feels really nice. Now, instead of just walking by people with his head down, people reach out to him.. He's smiling. So he's passing the next person on the sidewalk and he smiles at them and then keeps walking and waves. There's one person who is like, "Oh, hey, your shoes are untied!" I don't know why this is so funny. His shoes are untied and so he's like "Oh, thank you," and bending down and tying his shoes. So he feels helped with this little gem. And so he's feeling pretty good and it feels like we can let this man go. He's going to be OK. It feels like he's going to be OK. He can continue on this journey. It's almost like a perpetual sidewalk of passing strangers. And we can let him. He was, like, stuck in a loop of of invisibility. And so now just being seen is letting move on. It changes the way that he interacts in the world, because when you don't feel seen it's almost like you can do anything and no one will notice. Or you could do nothing and no one will notice. And so just some people making eye contact and saying, hey, it's it's changing the way that he moves because he's feeling perceived. And so he's going to be fine and we can just let him crossover and get him out of this tight loop. We're going to call in the Angels to escort him to the place of the highest good. And when we do that... There was a little chord connecting you with this version of you, and so we can cut that cord and close the door to this time. And once we close the door, the door disappears. It feels like it's such a very small, small thing, a simple thing. I don't know why. I feel like when people talk about past life, it's always like, "Oh my God, I was a king. I was a priestess." And most of the time when I see past life it's like, oh, you are a person just walking down the street in an ill-fitting suit. So it feels like a small moment, but because you experienced that, there's a certain type of man that you have a lot of empathy for. Sometimes that is confusing because they're not necessarily... It didn't feel like in the past life you were a bad person, by any means. But some of the people who share that energy are not always great. I'm thinking of like being trolls on the Internet or whatever, and so that resonance of not being seen or valued or touched respectfully, is the thing. Being touched respectfully, is the the the thing. Like a handshake or you know what I mean? It's the difference between someone shaking your hand versus punching you versus using you versus valuing your opinion. So it's almost like, yeah, it was not a magnet, but this ache to want to see the value. Like wanting to see that it was worth something, but it was worth something. Because in a way it creates this level of compassion. Also it happened in that life. So you don't have to experience it in this life. Your soul knows it, and so you can move on to whatever the lesson is in this body. And sometimes I feel like that's where past life stuff can get in the way. It feels like there's a thread that I have to continue learning, but we can also just let some of that die and start with a clean slate. Like, what's going on for this life? Who can I be in this body in this time? In these surroundings, with these passions and these joys that are absolutely shaped by the experiences of our past lives like? Again, it probably created a special place in your heart for a certain type of wound or a certain type of feeling, and that's going to be really powerful. But you don't have to be around it for it to be of value. You can let it go and it will still be of value because that place in your your heart is there. Yeah. You don't have to recreate it outside of you because it exists inside of you. And now it's time to move to the next.
Now that we let go of that version of you, we can also let go of the people that were corded into the wound. Yeah, it's funny because I a little girl version of you and people are corded around. So they're orbiting you, but they're not connected to you specifically. They're in your orbit. Because they're corded into that doorway to that other version of you. But that doorway is closed, so we can let go of the cords to all these people. And we can thank them. So we're going to thank them like the way that we did with the Kondo stuff.
We're going to thank them for revealing this opportunity to heal, to let go of this past life, of this version of you, of this doorway that was creating a rip in time and space. A leak... an energy leak in time and space. We're going to thank them for revealing that. And let it go. And also: you're not responsible for anything that they did. You're not even responsible for them being drawn to you. It's not related to you. At all. And it's OK to have compassion. It's OK. It's OK to be able to to think about not just good people, but it's OK to have compassion for everyone. I don't know if that makes sense. OK, it's almost like that's your superpower. The ability to have compassion for anyone. Which is pretty cool! When we think of heaven, I think a lot of the programming that we have about heaven and ascension and all of the ways that we can think about that are ummm..... You have to qualify to get in and if you don't qualify, then it's hell for you. Or you have to sit at the gates and you don't get in. But that's not the way forward. That's apartheid or, you know what I mean? Like that's like segregation in a way, like spiritual segregation. And everyone has the opportunity to get to heaven. But everyone's gonna end up in a different... If we think about it... It's funny because there's, a lot of collective stuff that's flooding through that feels attached to this. So I mean, even when I talk about a part that I'm thinking of, like this stuff that's going on in the Middle East right now, it's all that same thing of... There is this binary world. I guess that's duality, right? And it's almost like you know how to hold space for both. And that's really powerful and that's what we need right now. And it's even like right and wrong, good and bad, good and evil. Heaven or hell. You're in or you're out.
You're with us or you're against us. It's it's almost like that. OK, so this heaven that you're at feels like it's at the top of a mountain. Again, I feel like Shangri-La vibes. And so it's like that. You're so high on a mountain that there's clouds around you. So it feels like you're literally in heaven. Now there's going to be some people who exist at this Shangri-La level of heaven like you. This is where you're at. This is yours. And there's a version of you already there waiting for you to get up there, but not everyone is meant to be there right now, and it doesn't mean that they're not going to have heaven. It's just that they might be at Base Camp One of Everest, and you're at the top of Everest, right. And it doesn't necessarily mean... Like, not everyone likes the altitude at the top of Everest. Some people have no desire to make it all the way to the top, but it would just be nice to be nearby. It would be nice to know someone who's climbed Everest. You know what I mean? But don't need to be up there themselves. The binary would be like: You're either at the top or you're at the bottom. But really, you can be anywhere on that mountain and it's such a gift to be there at all. You're still going to have a beautiful view. You're still going to have an amazing story. You're still going to connect with people who are at your level. We're in a world that tells us that we need to be at the top of Everest. We're in a world that tells us that people, if you're at the top of Everest, then the people at the bottom of Everest are going to drag you down, or whatever. But really, it's like more nuanced than that. It's more complicated than that. And the ability to think about maybe the people whose bodies were left behind on the mountain, or the people who didn't want to make the trek at all. I feel like we exist in a world where we're told all the time to cut those people out, cut them off, cut them loose, they're dragging you. You'll never make it to the top if you stay with the slowest person. But you see the value of the of the people who can't make it. And what I'm being shown is that that doesn't mean that you have to go at their pace or that you have to cut them loose or leave them behind. You can exist at the top of Everest. That's where you live. That's your home. Your home is up there and you can speak, like make broadcasts, from the top of Everest. Maybe some people down below will hear it. Or occasionally you can climb down and climb back up, but you don't have to wait with the people at the bottom. You were at the top. And that's OK. You are a star and that fire around you is energy. It's sunburst energy and people are going to use you as a guide to navigate that, but that doesn't mean that the star has to come down to Earth. It would crash into us. It would blow us up. And so let the star be where the star is. Your light will still reach the people that need to see it, if that makes sense. Yeah. OK, so it feels like you've gone. You're ready to throw these shoes into the fire. So we're just going to let it... The earth is actually going to open up and let the magma, because it's this heavy statue, you're pushing it into the earth and the magma is just melting it and destroying it. It feels it was so heavy. It was so heavy, this pair of shoes. And so we're releasing it. And now that you don't have this stuff, oh! Now your house is showing up. So now I see that you're walking back to your house. It was like a community yard sale. So you're in the middle of the neighborhood and now you're back at your house. And it's empty and it feels like you know what you want it to look like. You have some ideas, not too sure you have little corners planned out, but you just don't know how it's going to take shape. Where you're going to find this stuff. It's almost like, OK, so if all the stuff that you were getting rid of was little tchochkes that you've collected that represent moments in time and people and whatever... You know, I feel this way and I feel like sharing here is that like, if I get rid of all of my stuff, then my house will be empty. I don't know if I'm going to have the money to replace it or I don't know how I'm going to fill it up again or it's going to take so long to fill it up. But really, it's creating space. And who knows, maybe someone's gonna show up with a truckload of stuff. And like, "Hey, I want to decorate your house." Or every moment, we're kind of collecting at any moment, we're collecting new people, new things, new memories, new stories and there's going to be plenty that show up that will fill it. That will fill your home, that will fill your life and enrich it. And it's like as you're letting it happen, I see you standing in the middle of your house and you're closing your eyes and you don't know how it's going to take shape. We threw it in the trash in the fire and we left space for what? What's next? How? What is this chapter of my life look like? And you closed your eyes and all of a sudden you could see like a hologram of visualizing the rich tapestry. Like there's so much gold and vibrant prints and plants. It's so funny. I see, Tulsi. I love tulsi. Holy Basil is dancing around your home. There's a lot of heart energy in this space. And letting it, there's a lot of laughter. It's like people are coming in with dishes and they're ready to have a dinner party and and they're leaving the dishes behind so that you have dishes. So it's not just you having to figure out how to fill up your home or fill up your life. People are going to come in with gifts and offerings. They're going to help fill up the space with you. Ooh. So this is fun. Oh, yeah. And here comes the stylist. They're getting you all dressed up. It reminds me of the way Melinda does jewelry with all this layered gold, it's very fun. You have this 3-paneled mirror and you're standing on a pedestal and admiring the way that you're dressed. Yeah, it can be. It almost feels like letting go of all of the yard sales stuff Is creating this sense of play of like, "Who could I be? Who could I be now?" And it feels like you're really stepping into this Priestess era. Yeah, it feels like. You're holding a staff and dressed like a goddess and all this jewelry. Your hair looks like a crown and you're just looking at yourself in the mirror and admiring who you are. And admiring the distance from that vision of the man, like stumbling on his untied shoelaces to who you are today. OK. And now you're ready to go meet this higher version of yourself and integrate. You're walking from your house to back to the center of Shangri-la to this Lotus flower floating in the center of a spiral. There's a procession around you of everyone who's so excited for you to be on this journey. There are spirit guides. Some of them look human. Some of them look extraterrestrial and everyone is just like, really celebrating and making it a party that you get to integrate with this version of yourself. And so you're just going to take a seat exactly where she is. This other version of you, and you're just going to melt into her. And so I'm going to put a Reiki bubble around you that helps you integrate more calmly.