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Transcript: Episode 6

A Kind of Shangri-La with Kibibi Devero


Audio file

A Kind of Shangri La_INTERVIEW.mp3

Transcript

Kibibi

OK, so my first reaction on the healing, I was very open and I wasn't necessarily skeptical. I just had never had any actual work done before, and so I was like, I don't really know how this is gonna work, am I  Gonna feel it? Because usually I can be sensitive sometimes to energy, like when I'm walking around or whatever. And so I wasn't sure that I would feel it, and I wasn't sure what that would mean for me, but I felt very strongly that I should do it because I felt like there are just blacks in my life right now that I needed to clear, and I was going to choose other things to work on. And then spirit very clearly  Told me no. You need to work on this particular thing with this energy that's just been orbiting you since you were young. And I remember being like 7th grade and writing a whole play with like people's names and like them talking or whatever and like setting it up like a screenplay of like a girl gets raped. And all these things. And I was like why would I write this? But I have felt that energy my whole life. With this reef energy around me and so it was very clear that spirit wanted me to clear that out of my system so. When I started listening to the work that you were doing was very, very interesting. All the things that were coming up from like the king of warnings and forgiveness fire. Let's see. Not wasting things like to the point where it was like, so specifically for me, I was like, OK, OK, this is good. This is really good. Even the herbs I was like, huh? I love tulsi. I love Comfrey.

Rhiannon

Yes

Kibibi

And so like all these little things that you were mentioning in the healing really drove home that I wasn't putting on for people, if that makes sense. Not that I was necessarily putting on for people, but just this wasn't made-up. And so just thinking about all of these little details. It was very surreal, but I was very grateful that spirit had already, you know, kind of set this into motion before I even thought about it. You know, like, even just the invitation of being able to do it was very kismet, I guess. So I was like. Ohh, this is amazing. Yes I want to do it. This is incredible. I would love to be a guest so.

Rhiannon

That. I love that feeling when it feels like an invitation from Spirit. Yes, yes. Yeah. It's so interesting because I am not really scared by dark stuff. Yeah. So when you brought the topic too, it's so funny. So I was like, oh, this is like a really dark thing. But if I were to touch into that idea immediately, it felt like, ohh, we're not gonna spend time in darkness. It almost feels like by touching into this, we open up heaven. We open up stars, we open up gifts, which is a really funny thing, cause you don't necessarily associate. Rape. So yeah, it was really interesting from the very beginning. It almost felt like this energy was the doorway into heaven, or the doorway into these, like bigger, brighter, joyful. Yeah.

Kibibi

Things. Yes, I thought that was very profound, that the place where we met was heaven. It was like, this is incredible. Because I had. Already decided years ago, I was like, listen, I don't. Want to waste my life trying to get to heaven? I want heaven here. I want that experience here. Like I don't want to strive forever for this place that could be fictional. I want. To show people that it's. Actually here right now and anybody can have it, it's not just me, it's accessible to everyone. You know, and so one of the main things that really hit me at the beginning, I think I actually like shed a couple of tears was the star energy and the fire. Because,  I went on a retreat one time, a spiritual retreat, and we did a wound meditation. And after the meditation, you know the speaker was like, what did everyone see in in their wombs? And everybody's like, I saw flowers and I saw prosperity. And I saw all these things that were so magnificent. And I tend to be the weird person in a group in any group, for whatever. Reason I was like, please don't call on me please because all I saw was fire and I was like, why is there fire in my room? Like, what does that mean? And I actually wish I had said something because I really would have loved some insight on it at the time.

Rhiannon

You know, because I didn't really go into your body, which is interesting, but this one was so in the stars we were in Shangri-La that I never got to your body. We were just up there. But I see each energy center as a different element. I see the sacral as a fire. Hmm. There's always a flame, but the kind of fire is different, and that usually reveals information, but it always looks like we need to tend to the flame. Some people have like a bonfire that, like burns everything down, or some people have, like, just a little candle that needs to be nurtured. Or it's like a flame in a very dark space. So we have to open it up so the flame. Can be tall and the fire is meant to fuel the solar plexus, so the flame should go all the way up, and then I always see the solar plexuses all of the elements combined to make an island. The sacral always a fire in my vision. And it's so cool. I love that. I was just.

Kibibi

Like, why am I such a weirdo? Why? Is there fire in my? And recently I've been meditating, which is weird for me because although I'm an air sign, I'm very like I can't meditate. I think too much. I overthink everything, like my mind doesn't stop. There have been very few moments where I have been able to meditate and everything clears out and I hear messages that. I've been wanting to hear and needing to hear, but that has happened maybe three times my whole life, just a handful of times. And so I've been meditating recently and I have felt one about the forgiveness that you were talking about with the King of Wands.

Rhiannon

Yeah.

Kibibi

In reverse and forgiving people preemptively so that I do have the opportunity to forgive them before anything even happens to let it go before anything happens. Like I don't hold on to tragedy and trauma necessarily, but if you wrong me, I will remember. And I do like hold on to the feelings of that. And I've always said, well, you know, I forgive you, but I don't forget who you. Bar. So when you were talking about the forgiveness, I actually had a conversation about that very recently with a friend and they were saying, like, I thought you forgave me for that. And I was like, I mean, I did. But. It also to me is like a character thing like. Now I know who you are situation and I was like I don't know how to let that go. So when we were going through all these things or when you were telling all the things I was like that is incredible because after the hearing, I finally texted that person and was like, I actually forgive you. Like for real? Like clean slate and that had never happened before, and I meant it. And I.

Rhiannon

Was like. This is so cool. Oh my God, I just got chills.

Kibibi

Yes, because I needed to do that, but I just didn't know how. I had no capacity at that point to like for real release things like forgive and forget, yeah.

Rhiannon

Yes. Yeah. Well, and it's one of. Those things that people say forgiveness is the answer. It's like literally every church. That's all they talk about is forgiveness. Even a course in miracles. I don't know if you've read like, the number one thing. It's all about forgiveness. Forgiveness is the way to heaven. Forgiveness, forgiveness. But no, it's the same thing. I almost feel that way about healing too. Like everyone. You gotta heal that. You gotta heal that. You gotta heal. And it's like, well, what the ****? Mm-hmm. Does that mean I don't know? Thank you. And so I, yeah. And forgiveness is one of those things where it's like I can forgive you, which means that I just allow you back into my life or whatever. But I'm still holding on to that moment. And I think it's about the dynamic between me and the person. But it's really that memory, like, letting go of the memory is the. Yes. Act. The forgiveness, like it has nothing to do with the person. So you can let them back in or not let them back in. And that doesn't mean that you forgive them or not, because it's about that moment. But it's that Oprah clip blew my mind because I was like, oh, I think I get it. The same thing with compassion. Have you ever.

Kibibi

Yes.

Rhiannon

Heard. Of Al Mas AH Al Moss is. This book series called the. Diamond approach and he talked about. Compassion in a way that I had never heard it talked about before. I almost think that nice culture influences everything because it's part of, like, American mainstream culture.

Speaker

Sure.

Kibibi

Especially here in the South.

Rhiannon

I can see that definitely, and I think that even though like compassion means with suffering, the way that Almas talks about compassion, once I heard the definition, it's like that makes sense to me instead of like pity. I feel like everything else is about like. Ohh pull you. I feel for you where Almas talks about compassion is like leading someone to truth. So it doesn't always mean being nice. And when I think about, you know, difficult dynamics where there may be boundary violations. For example, the compassionate thing to do is not to let them violate your boundaries. The compassionate thing to do is to be honest about being ******* angry about it, or annoyed about it. But we only see the vision of compassion that's like some soup or whatever, and I think forgiveness is one of those things too. I'm seeing.

Kibibi

No, I agree. That is so good. I've never thought of it. Like that I. Speaking of Oprah, I had seen on Oprah one time where she said I am not a nice person. I am a kind person, but I. Not nice. And so that always stuck with me. I'm like I am a kind person. I will go out of my way for people. I will make sure that people have what they need. If I can afford it in whatever capacity, even if it's just giving of what I already have time, whatever. But I told someone recently I'm not nice. I don't always want to smile and do the things that you ask me to do. Sometimes I do the things that you ask me to do. We could frown on my face because I don't really want to do it. But I am kind enough to take time out of my. Life to do these things for you because I know that you actually really need them and want them, especially people that I know don't like to ask for help for whatever reason. And so I'm like, OK, well, it took a lot for them to even ask for this. And so even if I don't want to do it, I am kind enough to go ahead and do it and not complain about it and not make you feel bad about it because I've been in that spot. Before and so when you were talking about the balls with the membranes in them and how when I would touch one, the memory would kind of pop up I. Was like. That is so good. Good, because I don't hang on to dates of tragedies. I come from a big family, so people die in droves. It feels like like one person goes. It's like a million people go one year. It was like 16 people on both sides of the family. And I was like my mom asking me like. What is that? It's like it's my funeral outfit, you know, and I can be matter of fact about it. I was just like, it's my funeral outfit. I don't want to have to think about what I'm gonna wear every time somebody dies. Like, people are dropping like flies around here, you know? And like, I can interject a. The human. But I'm like, I don't hang on to the date. I remember circumstances around it that remind me of dates. But I always thought ohh, I don't collect tragedies. I don't collect experiences. But when you were going through that part of the healing, I was thinking about even with the old man and it being. My past life, I was thinking that is so interesting that all he wanted was to be held and seen. And just to be touched kindly. And I was like that says a lot about like, my life has just kind of been that way. Like can you just be nice to me? I just need somebody to be nice and just do these things. I do these things with people all the time. Why is that not reciprocated to me, you know? And so I've always felt some kind of way about that. But I was thinking, you know, I don't hold on to tragedies, but I do hang on to those. Moments where I'm like, well, I needed you to do this specific thing for me and you just couldn't be bothered. And I would never do that to you. I would hang on to those moments. And so when you were speaking about the moments I was like, that's legit, I definitely. The vibe with that, I definitely understand exactly where my life that those things are and like, can you just validate that these are like good things? Can you validate that this is meaningful especially in my life right now? I felt like I was supposed to move here. I felt like my great grandmother was telling me. To move here, I think I met her once when I was like 4, but she was telling me to like. Lock my hair and I was like, why, you know, like she kept telling me to have somebody, like, hurt my hair and bless it and comb it and then just to lock it up. And I was like, that is so strange. And then she said move back to this place like, and then rural Georgia. Why I was like in Virginia, where everybody has. Like a security clearance and only. Hey guys I am going to move to Georgia and start a business. It's going to be great. It's going to be amazing. And then when I moved here, I was like can somebody please validate that my experience is important and it's necessary and it's valid. Can somebody do that for me? Because everybody's acting like I'm insane. Why would you ever do that? Why would you come back here? And I'm like, because I was told to come back here I was.

Rhiannon

Called to come back here. Ohh yeah, I feel that way about moving to Georgia too. I was wondering how you it would be. It's one of those things where it's like a nudge from spirit. We got an eviction notice in our home in LA and I wasn't ready to move, but I knew that it was coming and I knew that I didn't have to think about when that it would just happen. So we were evicted. And it's like, I guess it's time to move to Georgia. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Bye. It was hard. It's very hard. I don't think I know the lesson of that part yet. Like our money, fully disappeared moving here and a big part of it was cause we, like, bought a house and now it's like, oh, are we going to lose the house that I thought you told me? I thought I was just following your direction. And where's my validation for? There's no prize for this. It's just like. Ohh, why'd you do that? Why? Would you leave? Yeah. And so, yeah, I feel like I I don't necessarily need to be validated on the human level, but I would love to be validated by God. Like, where are you? That's absolutely.

Kibibi

And at first I felt very much that way. As time has gone on, Spirit has validated to me personally and like I'll be like doing something and I'll just get a download and This is why this happened and I'm.

Rhiannon

Like what? That's.

Kibibi

Incredible. But then talking to my family, I'm like y'all make it sound like. I mean seeing I know that I am not. I know for a fact that I'm not like it goes from 1 extreme to the other of like some people. Being like you're so. Brave. It's amazing. And then I have the people that are like, you're insane. Why would you leave corporate America to come here and struggle and be broke and do all these like, meaningless jobs, etcetera? And I'm like, because why wouldn't I? Who am I that I can't do a job that is supposedly or quote UN quote, a low job, I can clean toilets? Anybody else? Sometimes I do get in my ego and I'm like my time is so much more valuable when making $100 a day, but so is the time. Of the people. Who do those same jobs all the time and they don't complain when they get it done. And I'm like, who am I to not have that same experience? And if you are not? In those spaces, you can't tell people how I feel in those spaces, how to get out of those spaces, or even just cope while they're in those space. It's it's hard to feel like you're locked into those cycles, you know of, like, I'm making $100 a day, and if I don't go to work or for some reason cause I was working on a center, if the center is closed for like a holiday or something, I don't get paid. I don't get sick time. So you're trying to stay as healthy as possible. You're trying to get all the hours you can, but you're tired, you know, like you're weary. And unless you're in it, you don't understand that people are really doing these things without even complaining. And not that corporate America is like a dream outside of like the pay, because you still get the same stress and weariness and stuff, but it's just different having to survive. Plus, knowing that you're not going to be validated for the thing that you do like nobody's going to say, Oh my gosh, you did such a great job. Cleaning the toilet. Yes. But I cleaned it the way that I wanted to be cleaned. If my **** had to sit on. That toilet, you know, computer.

Rhiannon

Yeah. Yeah. You're welcome.

Kibibi

Bob Brown, like your body, like, appreciates how much I'm pouring my heart and soul into cleaning your bathroom.

Rhiannon

Ohh, this is so interesting because I do think I don't necessarily think that it's right, but I do think that cleaning or like these service jobs are very invisible.

Kibibi

Yes, very much.

Rhiannon

So it's interesting that you left DC hot place. Everyone's got something going on, some kind of clearance, and then now you're in a place where it's very invisible. Invisible. Yeah.

Kibibi

Yes, and I don't think it'll be like this forever. I do feel like I am moving to a. Place, even if it's just spiritually that I am supposed to be more sane, like even on social media with talking about herbs and things like that, I feel like I am supposed to be seen in those ways, which is very interesting because that is not the life I have ever craved or even getting on live for 5 minutes. I'm like, Oh my gosh.

Rhiannon

OK, I have to do.

Kibibi

Collard. I'm just gonna do your 5 minutes on Friday about herbs.

Rhiannon

Ohh funny.

Kibibi

I'm just gonna do it. Just gonna power through it. It'll be fine. And then people liked it. And I was like, well, that's insane. But I just the way that I am. I don't wanna wear makeup. I don't want to be, like, getting cute clothes. I just want to show up. Like I just worked out. Just look up and this is what we're talking about.

Rhiannon

Today, because I watched your live.

Kibibi

Yeah, I know.

Rhiannon

Yeah, I mean, I was studying herbalism at the time. So I was like, oh, this is perfect. She's so savvy on this. It's supplementing my herbalism education. It's so yeah, it. Was great. Oh, that's so.

Kibibi

Awesome. When I would see people log on I.

Rhiannon

Was like hey. What's your 5 minute Fridays? OK and.

Kibibi

I would be like. OK guys, I'm just trying to keep. For 5 minutes. But this spirit was like you don't cut people off when they're asking you questions, especially if you're sharing knowledge. You just keep going and feeding the knowledge that people are yearning for because there's going to be a time when people can't get the knowledge that they want. This is the time for everyone to just share the information that they have, no matter how deep. Shallow it is because there's always going to be someone who knows more than you.

Rhiannon

I think herbalism is really similar to energy work too, because like sure you can know the medicinal properties of a plant, but really it's about the spirit of the plants and each herbalist I think has different relationships with different aspects of a plant. And so even if it feels like there's 20 people online doing herbs.

Kibibi

Mm-hmm.

Rhiannon

On TikTok or. They're still only doing it from their relationship, and each dynamic is different and not everyone's going to vibe with that person's dynamic with tulsi or, you know, like, oh, what tulsi is to me is very different than probably what tulsi is to you or the ways. Yes. Other people use it. Yeah. Because it's. Yeah. The spirit of the plant. Like, the way that three different grandchildren could have different relationships with their grandmother and bring out different qualities of their grandmother. Yeah, I think of herbs that way too.

Speaker

It's so true.

Kibibi

Absolutely. And then when you talk to other people about that person or that plant or whatever and they're like, well, it was never like that with me. You're like, yeah, because I have a different relationship, you know, even just saying, like, this specific plant is my plant ally. You know, euro is not everybody's plant. I like, but I love it. I love yell of it. I love the way it looks, how it grows. I really do love it and when I would go for walks in Virginia, it grew wild by the trail and so I would just stand and marvel at it, you know, and just kind of look at the details of the leaves and.

Rhiannon

I was like how?

Kibibi

Incredible is this. That is just growing like on the trail, you know.

Rhiannon

Yeah.

Kibibi

I just loved it. That's.

Rhiannon

A lot of fun. I feel that way about you. Literally. That's like my plan. And I don't even know why it was always introduced as really neutral and so I was like, well, I'm just gonna put it in this, it's. Yeah. A little bit salty to. And so I put it in everything to change the flavor, the hibiscus, the sour. Let's put. And so I was like ohh why am I using this client all the time and I didn't realize that we were like best friends. Just stick up on me.

Kibibi

Yeah. And I feel like once you have that plant in your system, you can always call that when you need it. And I just think that is so special what a special relationship that plants have within. That we can say thank you so much. Doing these things for me previously, I would love for you to do that for me again. I just don't have access right now and I feel like they honor me, you know, just being inside your bloodstream, I just think.

Rhiannon

Yeah.

Kibibi

It's so cool.

Rhiannon

Yeah. Well, what's interesting about this healing too? I mean, I feel like a big part of it. Integration with that version of you in heaven was about you kind of having a special place in your heart for not the downtrodden, but maybe the invisible, the invisible. And so to hear you say that, that's kind of the experience that you're in, right? Now even like. The way that you're describing it is about like thinking about their perspective. Calling into attention the way that people would feel and don't you think about how these people are feeling? I'm thinking about how these people are feeling. I'm living it right now and so it almost feels like part. Of the healing was about allowing yourself to continue up the mountain, and that doesn't mean that you don't have this special place in your heart anymore. If anything it likes solidifies this special place in your heart by allowing yourself to shine and go to heaven.

Kibibi

Yes, I agree. I agree. That is so honestly, the whole healing. It's just so special to me. It's because. It validated for me that I'm not wasting my time and what is quote UN quote low places. It's like being in these low places is really shining a light on how to help everyone feel seen. But in a way that actually touches them and is not like performative because, you know, like in a corporate. If someone is cleaning, you know your cube or whatever you're like. Oh, hi. Because you see them all the time. You know, when you're working late or whatever. You're like, oh, hi. Oh, do I need to move my? The formative lead trying to be out of the way. I mean, you've actually been in that spot instead of being like, do I need to move my purse? You just lose it. You making it a little bit easier because you know that they're fighting every day to even come into this job because they need it. You know, like they're living in survival to.

Rhiannon

Yeah.

Kibibi

Even stay in this job. I think the lesson of being seen and validated with just a two hand in handshake, it's just it was very profound to me. I did shed a couple of tears like listening to the feeling.

Rhiannon

Ohh like this is so good. Because.

Kibibi

I hadn't thought of it in. That way, but I.

Rhiannon

Was like, Oh my gosh, it was a little old man. And I love what you said.

Kibibi

Yeah.

Rhiannon

I know with his untied shoes.

Kibibi

Yeah, just just a little old man and a bad food like she was like. That is how I feel sometimes in my soul. Ohh, I'm just doing stuff and just showing up and like, listen, this is all I got and I feel like that was kind of how he was like. This is all like that. And how dare you? Just look over me. How dare you? You know just. Feeling that indignation when he's like, looking at these people walking around him, he's like all I want is a handshake and just to be treated as a human. That's all I want.

Rhiannon

So yeah, it's interesting cause that played out the way that I understand Karma to be too where karmas momentum, the image that I get shown a lot about how Karma plays out. Mm-hmm. Is like doing the wave at a base. Football stadium, where you start the way, right? Like you stand up and you start the wave and then suddenly everyone around you starts to participate and it goes around the stadium and then it. Comes back to. You and then when it's back to you, you have the choice. Ohh am I going to? Do the wave again or am I going to sit down? You know, with killer, or do you keep?

Kibibi

Keep it going.

Rhiannon

Yeah. Are we gonna keep it going? And so for good stuff. Yeah, let's keep it going. Keep it going. But for bad stuff, we sometimes they're like, oh, I probably should keep it going. But no, just sit down like it's done. But also in that way that it's like Karma is momentum. It's that one small act of someone shaking his hand. Yes. Made it so his posture changed a little and just the slight shift in the posture it like created a momentum of how people saw him. And so it changed the way that they responded to him. And then that next hello, a little bit taller, a little bit higher. And this time maybe like he waves. And so then it changes the way that people treat him. And so it's almost like this. Yeah. It's like a momentum. Of Karma moving through, but also like the idea of just kind of like stumbling through and not looking at anyone, be easy to feel like you're not being seen because you're not looking at people either or, you know, like you're not giving anyone anything to respond to. And so yeah, it felt very much like this karmic loop that he was playing out but needed someone. Yeah. He needed to like. Someone to help him break it. And in this case it was an Angel. Which was cool. But yeah, like it changed the.

Kibibi

Karma. Yes, that was so cool. Yes. And the part that you were speaking about the karma with the stones, like skipping the stones across the water, you were saying like, you actually don't have a whole lot of karma being played out right now. But I feel like the last three years that I have been here, I have been living like comic cycles. From my family or that are within my family, I should say, and even just being me and standing in like who I am has been so difficult for people here. And I thought that was very interesting. And then when you were talking about the karma? Was like. Is that what breaking a karmic cycle is like? You know, like going against the grain of how your family is, you know, like my family, super controlling, very religious. And then here I come from Virginia. They haven't seen me in a couple of years. I show up, I have locks. I've read tarot. They don't like go to church, they go to church religiously, like my mom is in the church building every time the door is open. And then I'm like, because I know she doesn't want me to read Terrell in her house. And so.

Rhiannon

I'm like, I've been there. I get that. Yeah.

Kibibi

I remember being like when I. Right here. Can I just read tarot like in your yard? Because I got a good signal there on my cell phone. And so I would sit outside on a blanket in the hot door, the sun with like ice packs around my cell phone reading tarot for people. And my mom would just kind of like frown about it. But she wouldn't really say much. Because she's one of those people. Like she speaks her piece the first time and then she lets it be whatever it's going to be after that. But she had already told me she didn't like it and she was like, I'm not gonna condone it. But you can't bring it in my house. But yeah, you can be in the yard if you want. But. But I just thought that was so interesting that this skipping of the stones being representative karma.

Rhiannon

Yeah, it feels like it's a burning of karma. You're doing all of this sitting outside in the heat to read tarot. Like you're still choosing to do what is aligned with you, but you're doing it in this way that's getting burned in the 3D or however you would say that. And so on the astral side, there's not a lot to I wonder if that's what it is, because I see some people wear like, huge boulders because they've been holding on to it so long or it's like scary to throw it into the water or there's, like, truckloads of karma to process. But yeah, like, if you don't do anything, then you don't have a way to.

Kibibi

In.

Rhiannon

Burn the karma too, like if you're just kind of going through life, I think you posted that thing where it says if everything stays the same, then everything stays the same. And so you, like, have to make a change to change the karma cause it's a momentum. So as long as you're doing the wave, you can't let go of that cause you're still in the middle.

Kibibi

Yes, yes.

Rhiannon

Can. Of doing the wave.

Kibibi

Yes, yes, so true, because in the midst of all the things, it feels like, why would you call me here? Why would you call me here to go through the? I remember I was reading a book by Joe Dispenser called becoming Supernatural. Have you read?

Rhiannon

That no, I actually just heard of Joe Dispenza for the first time and now he's showing up everywhere. So I'm like, OK, this is the third time, I guess I should pay attention.

Kibibi

I really, really like him and I have just listened to his audiobooks and stuff, you know, while I was driving to pick up people through the center and cleaning toilets, etcetera and. I joke about it. But those times were the most sacred times because I could just listen and absorb information and no one was in my face telling me that I've had evil spirits and I was going to hell. I definitely have heard I was going to hell many times since I moved. Here and and. I had evil spirits that I need deliverance.

Rhiannon

Yeah.

Kibibi

Because I was reading. His book becoming Supernatural, which is all about like healing your body through your mind. And I was like, this is so crazy. So it just turned into this thing where it wasn't just about the things that I was reading. It was really just about the control over my life. Like Ohh I give you your paycheck. I should be able to control how you see God in Spirit universe and why do you call God's spirit? Does spirit should always call it the spirit. And I was like, I don't differentiate it that way. And to me it is God. So I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. And I was like I don't need.

Rhiannon

Yeah. It's like the most behind thing that you should be reading.

Kibibi

Cards to be able to read energy, and so even just going back to the healing and the hologram. I was so taken. With that, and like there is this place in people here where I am supposed to be in like this guru. So some people I'm going to other people. I'm like this guru and I'm hearing people and all kinds of things. And I'm like, but this isn't special to me. I should say that I can retail cards. And I like plant medicine like you can learn plant medicine too. I'm more than happy to teach you, you know. But there are people that have just accepted that I'm not evil because they're like, every time I'm sick, you show up with the medicine that I need. And I'm like, I heard that you had COVID recently. And so I just brought you some Mullen glyceride, you know, it's just very soothing. It's gonna be like slow, but it's going to help tone your lungs and help get rid of the mucus and help with air control and air flow with your lungs open. The bronchial tubes, things like that. And they're like. Oh my gosh. I know that you have gotten you because every time I need you, you're here. And so those are the things that have validated me. Just like my little past life. Old man with the uncle's suit and untouched shoes. And I'm like.

Rhiannon

This is a 2 handed.

Kibibi

Handshake that I need. That, you know, those kind of things have validated me in this life. So I'm like, I wonder how much that life translated into this one and then going back and listening to it again I. Was like that is. So crazy how profound it is and how much of my current life I can see in it. And I'm like, just praying. Like, do I have to do this again? Can this be the last time that I have to burn through karma? Is that OK with everybody? You know, because Karma is hard and is very hard, especially when it's not necessarily yours. Like if you're breaking karmic cycles within your bloodline, you know, even with like you saying like, the drop of blood in the fire, it was like, so good. And I would have never thought about that myself, but the way. It all together, I was like, this is so profound to me.

Rhiannon

Ohh thank you.

Kibibi

I really, really really enjoyed it. I've listened to it four times.

Rhiannon

Now Oh my God. Ohh well, I love that. That makes me very happy. I will say about the past life stuff. I think what I'm piercing together from doing this is that past life sometimes there's like a thread that it's like an imprint or a ghost. In our field, that's just stuck in a little bit of a loop, and when we release that, it closes the door to that loop, so it may have like. If you felt really connected to that energy, it hopefully won't play out anymore because you. Released it and let it go. And then there were people who were courted into it. And so we also let them go. And so it doesn't necessarily mean that they'll disappear. Some people will cause you don't need them. And they just like, they liked that version of you that kept your head down and just wanted to be validated. And then they could just walk by you and. Not have to do anything so those people can go. Where they can change their dynamic with you like it opens the door to see you for who you are. And so all these times where you're like, don't you know? Alright. Know. Who I am. I feel like you don't see me. It's because they're not seeing you. They're seeing this imprint. They're, like, connected to this ghost. So it creates space for people to see you instead of this thing. But the way that I see past lives too is that it's like a magnet that brings people who are attracted to whatever that looping ghost Energy imprint is. But the reason it calls people. Mm-hmm. Pull into your field is so that you can see it and heal it like this is a new lifetime. Let's let's let that go and then you can move forward. But you don't know that it's lingering in your field until people treat you that way. Or you feel that way. So yeah, I feel like with that, it was a pretty clear door closing, and it felt like we really cut. Hey. Yes. Off any connections to that lifetime, and I'd be curious to see how dynamics may shift or how you feel in a situation. Mm-hmm. Like even if it will change the way because it felt like the yard sale energy like that feeling of like I can't let it go until like that was connected to the lifetime too.

Kibibi

Yes. And I thought that was very interesting too, like I. Just need someone to see.

Speaker

How great this is.

Rhiannon

Yes.

Kibibi

You know, and I connected that to just the experiences that I've had here since I've moved here from being like really free at the beginning and then taking this job and then having to kind of like, I was gonna say subordinate. I can't think of the words but, like, kind of lower myself in this particular moment. Because I didn't want to outshine anybody or go above anybody for whatever reason, you know, like I just wanted to going.

Rhiannon

Yeah.

Kibibi

Do you mind, John? Have as much fun as I could, you know, and laugh with the clients and joke with them and sing songs and dance a little bit. And you know, I have never seen myself as a morning person. But in the mornings I would stand at the door. And be like good morning. So and so. Good morning Mr. So they would just look at me at the beginning and like, she is insane. Like, why are you standing at the door?

Rhiannon

I'm like good morning.

Kibibi

Good morning and some of them were so grumpy. And then by the time that I left, they were all expecting it, you know, like, yeah.

Rhiannon

You can tell they love it. Ohh. Fun. Yes. Yes. Did the untied shoelaces energy feel significant to you in any way? Because that seemed really specific.

Kibibi

The shoelace is being untied. I definitely feel like there's a lot happening in my life that I haven't necessarily connected, like I've done enough. The shoes are laced. I can't really do too much more than that. I am literally doing what I can. So like, can you know a business?

Rhiannon

Even having.

Kibibi

I'm like, listen, I put together a website. I put together a scheduling site so that people can schedule like your readings, etcetera. I really cannot do the work behind the scenes of all the things. I can't be all the things for this. I need other people to come help me. Can somebody come tie my shoes? Is that something that is possible, you know? Like and I feel like even though I haven't been able to do those things, spirit has brought me people that could do some things for me, but I had to pull the trigger, you know? So I have a website, but I need to go in and do a little bit of tweaking and launch it, but I just haven't done that yet. And then. With the terrible stuff people could schedule, but there were like limitations on that too. So I'm like, OK, I need something that immerses everything together so that. It's just one thing people can just go to one site and do one thing, and I finally feel ready to do those things, you know.

Rhiannon

Yeah, well, wing tip. When I think of that, it's a dress shoe that could be polished. It wasn't a tennis shoe. It wasn't a beat up shoe. It was like a very nice, polished shoe. But it was untied. It's. So it's like everything's there. It's just, yeah, the last piece of tying it all together. And not gonna see like. Yeah.

Kibibi

Why would you ever have an A suit if you weren't fancy?

Rhiannon

Going somewhere that requires a suit? Yes. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. It's interesting that it felt like when the statue showed up, this, like, mixed feelings of a statue, too. Wanted to hear if anything came up with that. Yes.

Kibibi

With the statue, I think it kind of fed into the priestess era that you had mentioned. And and integrating with the Zen version, the hologram. And kind of creating this real person, not just a persona, which is what I felt the hologram was. It's not just like this empty persona. Like, this is actually who you are right now. And with the blood, the ancestral bloodlines and, like, cleansing all of that and really purifying all. That and connecting your bloodline to this new version of you and not just like not getting rid of the old but kind of learning from the old and integrating it into this new person that you're becoming. Because I do feel like there is a precess era that is coming and I don't really know what that means. But it resonates very deeply for me and there was something else about the mountain top.

Rhiannon

Ohh yeah, you want to talk about heaven and the not. Everyone's meant to summit Everest, but there's like levels, yes.

Kibibi

And they're not all just supposed to be up there with you. You're not necessarily supposed to come down, but they're not supposed to always be up there with you. That was so good to me. That's something that I'm kind of learning and practicing all the time of lying. Who is supposed to be on this journey with me? There was a point when before I left Virginia. I was in Pennsylvania and my family lives up there and I was told while I was there spiritually like. You need to say. Goodbye, because this is the last time that you're going to be in this place. And I thought it meant in Pennsylvania with my family, but I think it was like in this place in this journey and how. Who was it? Hypocrites. Said that, you'd never step in the same river twice because you know. The rivers. Always. And so I feel like every. Time I go back to Pennsylvania, I'm a little bit different and a little bit different and a little bit. Different and so if there is an elevation that I feel, you know, kind of this really, I feel like that is a part of it. And I had a vision once where I was up on a mountaintop, looking at the tops of houses.

Speaker

Aye.

Kibibi

Like had my mouth open as wide as I could and there was so much air rushing through, but I couldn't see anything like the light was blinding and I felt like I was just like yelling into the distance into the void, and I was like, what is happening? Like, why can't I hear anything? Why is all of this going on? And I just heard a voice say if you don't, the rocks will cry out. And I was like, what does that mean? I'm just supposed to speak. I'm just supposed to speak all the time. I don't really know what that means, but that was the first thing I thought of when you mentioned the mountain top.

Rhiannon

Ohh. I mean, they had you broadcasting. Did I say that that sometimes you're meant to broadcast from up there and people will hear it. Like you can scream down the mountain and people can hear it, but you don't have to. You. Need to. Go up there. Maybe I didn't say it out loud, but yeah, there was this feeling that Shangri-La was also the word. Like it never wanted to say heaven. It was always every time I was about to say heaven. I don't remember that part. There's, like, Shangri-La, and I wonder if that's because that's like a heaven on Earth kind of place or I don't know if you have any relationship with Shangri-La, cause it felt like the language was very specific. Quick.

Kibibi

No, but I have definitely always been like, I don't want to just work my whole life for some heaven that has been promised to me, not to say that the Bible is not a holy book. Yeah, but at the very bottom of everything, it is a book. So I'm like, so you're telling me that there's this place where I'm going. To have all these riches. I'm going to have all of these expensive things and I'm cleaning toilets right now, but I'm going to get it.

Rhiannon

When you get it, you. Know gonna have to kill yourself to get there, but. Exactly so I.

Kibibi

Would appreciate if I had my heaven now on.

Rhiannon

Earth. Yeah, because it felt very much like, yeah, heaven on earth. Heaven on earth. Heaven on. Earth but it. Felt like that feeling of, you know, you Summit Everest and don't stay behind for anyone you'll see. People on the journey, but if you go past them and they don't go with you, then they just stay there and you don't have to feel bad about it or like, should I sit back, it felt like. Yeah, sometimes the tendency was to like, oh, well, I guess I'll sit here with you until, you know, if you can go any further and then it kind of delays your journey up the mountain. But they were saying no, the top of the mountain is your heaven on earth and you need to be in your heaven on earth. And you can always scream down at the mountain. But not everyone's meant to go in this life all. MHM. The way to the top but. That special place in your heart that you hold for these people, you can validate that if they only make it to base camp one, that's this journey for them, and that's cool. Or like, good for you. You made it to base camp one. Some people, they don't even make the climb at all, but they're just happy to know someone else who's ohh like, oh, my friend just climbed Everest and they get something from that too. Even though they'll never leave their house to do it. But you.

Kibibi

Being.

Rhiannon

But also, that's their journey, this life, and that's cool. Like, if that's what you're going to do. I don't need to. Not climb Everest because you don't want to or it's just not for you. This life. I gotta go do it. And then I can take my video. I can broadcast. Yeah, they had you broadcasting, but it wasn't a live stream. It was like you screaming down the mountain on, like a megaphone. Yeah. And you could do that sometimes. Sometimes you could just chill. Sometimes people will join you up there. But it's like a spectrum. It was like getting rid of this. You're either in or you're out, you're in heaven or you're in hell. It was about the full spectrum. It's the journey. And you could be anywhere along that journey, but you need to be where you're supposed to be on the journey instead of waiting. Just because someone's not there doesn't. Mm-hmm. Mean they're in hell. Or that they're out, or that they're whatever. Just because you're not at the top doesn't mean that you're in hell, or that you're out. And that you're it's not for you. Like, it's still just the journey, but you're meant to be there. It was your time to step into that place. And so that integrating into the body was like you stepping into heaven on Earth.

Kibibi

That is very interesting. I and like I feel parts of it. Like I was saying with my family and just knowing that there were some people I was going to have to say goodbye to you. Even just on that visit. And after that visit our relationships changed and I was like ohh, so I ended up really saying goodbye to these people. At the time. I was like, can I have this one friend please? Please. Can I just keep this one friend and we're still friends to this day. But I remember just being so sad. Like, why do I have to do this by myself? So that makes so much sense and even just being here, I've had to kind of establish that this is my spiritual journey. And if I want to read tarot, I'm sorry. You know, like that. You feel like I have the evil spirits, but I'm helping more people than I'm hurting. And so I have to stand in this. Because I was called to it and I was called to this place and it doesn't matter. Georgia likes it or not. If this is my city or not, I have to stand in this place and do this thing. It's not leaving me alone. It's not something that I can just lay down and not do, because when I do that, it's not just being passive. It's like. Pulling a piece of me, that's not the time you need either, you know.

Rhiannon

Yeah, that's great. And it's very brave. Like it's hard for people, I think, to stand in their truth in the face of, well, if all these people think this, am I the wrong one? No, no, no. That's their. Yeah. That's their story. And you. Yeah. It's very brave of you to let that be theirs and not yours.

Kibibi

Thank you. I struggle with it a lot, but ultimately I have decided that I would rather take the chance than to go with the status quo and find out that everyone was wrong and I was massively following along with them and they're all wrong. Instead of me just going the way that I felt like I was supposed to go. And instead of getting the A on my paper.

Rhiannon

I fail the class with everybody else. Yeah, even if you're wrong too, at the end of the day, like, if everyone's wrong at the end, at least on the way you were doing your thing and not theirs. Cause then it's like a double blow. No, absolutely.

Kibibi

She wants to be a follower and fail the class. I don't.

Rhiannon

Yes.

Kibibi

Want to be? Like, that's crazy, yeah. I was raised to be a leader. I was always told that when I was younger, be a leader, don't follow everybody, and then I move here and everybody's like, be a follower doing. Why are you, like, being a salmon swimming upstream when you should just slow, just slow with everyone else? I'm like.

Rhiannon

Yeah. And that's all that matters, because I love a job. Someone recently called it like a low cognitive load job. And I was like, yes, because I want to be creative and I don't want all of my energy to be taken. Putting out fires cause I love a puzzle. I'll spend a lot of time putting out fires and. Mm-hmm. Enjoy it. But then I'm like, oh, wait a minute. I'm doing all of your puzzles and not my puzzles. I want space to do my puzzles.

Kibibi

Exactly.

Rhiannon

So I can appreciate this.

Kibibi

Yeah, that's how I feel on this journey too, like.

Rhiannon

Something that felt really specific was that when it's time to release stuff, we go somewhere like someone has to pull it out from somewhere. But you were like ohh all of this. I have it with me and you were like ready. So funny. Does it resonate at all or?

Kibibi

It definitely does, I think because with my basic knowledge of astrology, but because I'm an air sign, I think about everything all the time. And so I have thought about so many things. Yeah. And so I'm like, if you say, well, I think you're kind of codependent. It doesn't hurt my feelings. It just brings to mind all the time swearing.

Rhiannon

Ah, so it's like top of mind.

Kibibi

I was like, I think this is very codependent of us to be having this interaction, blah blah blah. You never thought about it already? Are you talking about all this stuff? All this?

Rhiannon

Codependent stuff that. I'm yes, you are right, I am. Like. Yeah, let me. Build a case for you. Yeah, exactly.

Kibibi

Like. No, no, no, no, no. I recognize all of that. Ohh, and then.

Rhiannon

The other thing is that there was a Marie Kondo ceremony. Is that like a thing that you've? Done that methodology. I haven't done.

Kibibi

It When it first came out, I watched the whole season and I was like, this is incredible. Look how she folds all the things and then she like, takes each thing and holds it. And like, sees if it brings her joy or not. Like I definitely have done it. I even introduced myself to my apartment. Just like she said to do with her home. And like all these things, like I did all the things like I was in it. I was completely in it and. Then I think I cleaned out my closet and then I was done. I was like this is a lot of.

Rhiannon

Work. It's a lot of better, yeah. Ohh, it's so funny. Yeah, cause it was like a. Very specific style. Of letting things go to. Yeah. OK, so you already mentioned some of the ways that the forgiveness stuff came up. I'm always curious about, like, physically have you felt any difference in your body since the healing session?

Kibibi

Totally. I had as much anxiety and I definitely haven't had as much fear as I had before, like living in the country. It is so dark out here. OK, cats like to my cat. Come on. Here we. Gotta shut it up. Gotta lock it again. You know, turn on the minds. We gotta do the things. And I haven't been that way all week, you know, and. So that's been.

Rhiannon

Oh, that's so interesting.

Kibibi

And it is a lightness. It really is like I just don't feel as bogged down with things, you know.

Rhiannon

You.

Kibibi

Frank over. Eating like today, I made a reasonable sized portion and ate it and I was like ohh I feel fine, you know, like I'm not gonna eat anymore and so I just stopped and I do have a history of like eating disorder. So you know, I have the tendency to like binge and I just haven't had that feeling of just needing to like. Eat more to like, save off other feelings or whatever. So I have been really impressed with you know how it has come about in my life, even just in this short amount of time how it has like changed little things that I. Note this.

Rhiannon

That is very cool, and you know you're someone who traffics in magic, too. It's like one of those things where, I mean, all I can do is report on what I see. And then sometimes people may or may not especially cause I do it via recording instead of in person. People may or may not report back that anything means anything to them and. I'm like, OK, well. Hope that was something. Like so. And so it's one of those things that's it's like, it's always interesting to notice and I wonder if you feel this way about readings too, where it's like, oh, yeah, that's really resonant. And I've changed my life because of it. Like, people won't necessarily report back that they've like.

Kibibi

No they don't.

Rhiannon

I've been trying to reading more like that.

Kibibi

And you're like. Yeah. OK. Because I feel really strongly, but it's OK if it doesn't resonate with you, OK? Because you do have to give people the freedom to be who they're going to be. And sometimes I have heard from people who have come to me for readings. It didn't resonate. At the time. But it kept coming up later, and so then later. It resonated, but in the moment I was like, this is crazy. You know, as a client who which a lot of people do come in and say ohh, I just want a general reading whatever comes up and then they're disappointed because the stuff they really wanted to know about, like love or their job or whatever doesn't come up. But this one client we talked about her cousin. The entire time, and we even went over a little bit. And I was like, I'm so sorry, but you need to talk to your cousin about this. And she's like, well, what about me, like, can we do something about me? I was like, I am trying. But, you know, if Spirit doesn't wanna tell me anything about you and you ask for a general reading and you're gonna have to sit and enjoy this about your cousin. I'm really sorry, you know, like. I don't really control it, so if I don't get without you. I wasn't supposed to, and then later it was probably like four months later. She came back and she said I am so glad that we had that reading about my cousin because I needed to know all those things because some **** went down this week. If I hadn't had that reading, then it would have been 10 times worse than what it was. And I was like, that is amazing, you know like. I'm still amazed, even at every reading, you know, I'm like ohh. And then after again, because I'm channeling. And so I don't hold on to any of that knowledge. I'm like I'm.

Rhiannon

Crazy. I am so smart. Me. Yeah, like I don't. Yeah. Know. I mean, that's part of why I started the podcast, because some of the stuff that comes out, it's not like even the Mount Everest thing I was like, oh, this is great. I'm going to jot this down. I need to hear it again, like, this is. Cool. I never thought of it this way or even like the. Gratitude turned the moments into. Bubbles, just the act of.

Speaker

Tonight.

Rhiannon

And like ohh, I'm really grateful for this moment. It's not heavy any like it changes the density of. It.

Kibibi

Yes, exactly. And even what you said about the memories being so heavy, like marbles bending the space-time continuum, I was like, I was so smart. I was like, who is she? You're like I said about this and this and this. And I was like.

Rhiannon

Well, not me, my guys. That is amazing. I was like.

Kibibi

That is so good. So now even at this new job that I got right before we did the healing, even today, this woman was, like, so stressed out. And usually because I'm more empathic. I would take on some of them, and I was able to be like listening.

Rhiannon

That.

Kibibi

Bending the space-time continuum. I do not want to be sucked into that vacuum. That wave cannot bend. And to me, if that's OK, you keep your marbles over there. You're heading up my way, and I'll keep my light marbles over here because I didn't heal right back into it. So as she's like, complaining and fussing and yelling or whatever, I was just like, OK, well, I understand that. I mean, that's salad, you know.

Rhiannon

Yeah.

Kibibi

Like trying not to be sucked into the office gossip, but also trying to validate her feelings so that she feels. Her, but not being sucked into being a part of that experience with.

Rhiannon

Her. Ohh good yes.

Kibibi

Yeah. So I. Was like, oh, that was so good. Like I can. Literally see it in my mind like the bend of it.

Rhiannon

Yeah.

Kibibi

Yeah, I was like, that was such. A great picture.

Rhiannon

The first time that I saw it too, I was like, oh, this is like Einstein's relativity. And I was like, I don't know. I should be careful with how confidently I say some of this stuff, but.

Kibibi

Yes, please. Like she is a genius. Probably people are like you don't have to be a genius to understand that. But it sounded amazing to me. I understand what you were saying, even if it. Was incorrect but.

Rhiannon

I did look it up after and I think it is relativity. It's amazing. It's one of those things where I'm looking back at now, like Ohh was I good in. School? Or was I psychic? That is true. Yeah.

Kibibi

I was thinking about that actually today or maybe it was yesterday, you know time kind of like folds in on itself sometimes but.

Rhiannon

Ohh, I think it was today because.

Kibibi

I was thinking about all the times that people told me I was insane and I was like intuitively. Just knowing things like my friend's phone went off in the car one time and it was sitting on top of the dash and then it interrupted the. Radio broadcast or. Whatever. And I was like, just flippantly, like. Oh, it must be the electromagnetic field bumping into each other. It's just like what? I don't know. It just feels like common sense. Like, did you not learn that in 8th grade I learned that, like grade and she's like, OK. And like before hip hop ABS, I was like, you know, if you just bend your knees into your stomach while you hold it tight.

Rhiannon

That's like doing sit-ups. So my mom, like, you're so. And then hip. Hop ABS came out 20 years later and.

Kibibi

I was like. I would have been really of dollars like, you know, that would be weird though, and so I've never told anybody else about it. I'm like one of you gonna have another brilliant idea that seems like common sense to me. And it's gonna make. So much money. I'm going to be so famous.

Rhiannon

I'm like stop telling. People that they're.

Kibibi

Crazy when they have a great idea.

Rhiannon

Ohh yeah, that's like one of the burdens of being ahead of your time, I think. And then it gets validated and it's like ohh damn. Mm-hmm. Exactly. I'm almost curious too, since this was very much about needing to be validated cause validation is like very valid. A very common need and we all need it. We all need to feel safe and belong, and I think that validation is one of those things that helps like. Mm-hmm. Facilitate belonging and safety because when we're validated, we know that. We're seeing or. Maybe something bad won't happen because this person knows that I exist and that I do good things. And you know. But yeah, I think it's one of those needs that we also are. I guess I feel bad or weird about needing validation without it seeming like a black hole of narcissism or whatever.

Speaker

Yes.

Kibibi

Mm-hmm.

Rhiannon

But we all. Need it and if you are someone who like colors outside the lines, even just a little bit, it's a lot harder to get about. Like it's so easy to be validated when you're doing everything that everyone else is. Doing I can think about people who go viral. Right. And it's like ohh this person has like 2,000,000 followers and they're going viral all the time because they're showing you how to how to clean a toilet, and everyone has to clean the toilet, and they're doing it just the way that your mom would have done it or whatever. But it's like this self feeding cycle of like confirmation and validation. And it's not something that's necessarily. Like every once in a while, something new and out-of-the-box will break through, and then that influences. You'll see a hundred other videos exactly like that one thing. But to be the first one. Usually there's a lot of. Oh, that's weird. You're weird. Ohh, no one's gonna like that and tell you set the standard. But it's hard to not get the validation until. Everyone else is doing. Or, you know, it's like that weird, painful psyche.

Kibibi

Yeah, don't do so. True. You have to be willing to be the weirdo. Yes. You know you have to be willing to, like, sacrifice that validation.

Rhiannon

If I. Yeah. Or get it from somewhere else like. Get it from? I mean it could come from within, but I also that's one of those things like forgiveness where I don't know what that means. That's not going to happen for me. Like, yeah, I'm validating myself by doing it, but clearly that's not. And so where else can you? I feel like I was resisting. Like, no, I don't need anyone. I'll just do it myself. At the end of the day, it's like, oh, well, I did all this by myself, but now I have no customers, so I literally can't. Now I have to go get a job, and I can't do this because no one's buying from me because I thought. Hmm. That I could do everything.

Kibibi

Mm-hmm.

Rhiannon

On my own, but what I really need is to be now and so like. Yeah, it's one of those. Yeah. It's like this self feeding cycle to like to be invalidated feels like it it. Right.

Kibibi

Yes.

Rhiannon

That's so true. Ah. Do you have any? Ways that you go to get validation.

Kibibi

So one of the main ways is talking to people that I know are deeply religious, but religion is not their highest priority. And so we can kind of meet on the. Relationship with Spirit is more important kind of plain. Yeah. So we can meet there. And so there is this woman who is older even than my mom. Nothing. My mom is like, ancient. But but she's older than my mom. And I just go talk to her all the time. Her and her husband and their kids. And I've been able to. Talk to her. About all kinds of things, even relating to religious things or spiritual things, like when I was told that I had evil spirits and I needed to be delivered from them. You know, when I told her that she was like what you are, one of the kindest people. And I see God all over you. And so I needed that.

Rhiannon

Common ground. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Kibibi

Validation and I didn't think I did at that point, but I needed someone to see that I'm not this person. That's like foaming at the mouth and like talking and whatever, like whatever people believe a demon possessed person would do. I don't do any. That ****. So I would appreciate if people could actually like, see that and tell me that they see it, you know? And so that's one of the main ways that I have been able to get validation and then there are those people like someone told me once. Well, my religion is very important to me. And then I understood.

Speaker

That we are.

Kibibi

Working on two different planes of existence. Because my retort was when my relationship with God is more important to me, not the religion, I don't care what religion you are. But if you don't have a relationship with God, but there are a lot of things that you can't do for me, you know, like even just in conversation, our conversation isn't going to be the same. It's not going to be edifying. And I don't talk to people, just to small talk with them all the time. Every time I see you, we just hit the same level of small talk. I don't do that. I don't. Like it? Like maybe it's because I have Scorpio vibes. I don't know, but I'm like, no, not nice to use whatsoever, but if you want to meet in this place and have deep conversations that build each other up, then I can meet you there, you know? But if we're just gonna talk about, like, the weather. And what the kids are doing, what the cats are doing, there's a time and a place for that, but I don't want to do that every single time I see you, you know? So at first I was seeking validation from all these different places, and then I realized that these people over here with this. I'll talk. I'm never ever gonna be able to validate me, ever. So why seek it from them? You know, because it kind of sets you up to always be lacking. So.

Rhiannon

Yeah, it's easy to focus on the places where we're being invalidated than just like, well, I know I can count on this person and and let me just go back to this person instead of focusing on changing their mind or like. But wait, you have to see it. I need you to see it. So that, yeah, that's really smart.

Speaker

Ah.

Rhiannon

Man.

Kibibi

Yeah, it makes you one of those people. What do the kids call it now? The pygmies that are always like searching for somebody to choose them, like the Meredith Grey.

Rhiannon

Ohh yeah.

Kibibi

The whole speech, like choose me, pick me. You know when she's begging for love. I have learned in this journey that the people who love you will always love you. And you don't have to beg them to love you. They just do. And even if you disagree. You can still have those. Horrifying conversations on the plane where you both meet and you. Don't have to. Stay surface level just to keep the peace you know.

Rhiannon

Yes. That's great. And being able to acknowledge that and it sounds like acceptance, which is great. It's like more respectful of everyone. There is something about like wanting to change someone's mind too, that in a way, is really not respectful of where someone's at.

Kibibi

So.

Rhiannon

Is that? MHM.

Kibibi

Yes, and very controlling. Yes and that's. What I have? Seen so much of here is like just so much control. So even the rape energy that I was telling you about, I discovered maybe a couple of months ago, a lot of that energy is tied up in just control and trying to force people to do things that they don't want. You, you know, and the control hide that they get off of that. It's like the same type of energy. And that runs rampant in my family.

Rhiannon

Yes. Ohh, I almost feel like that when I think of rape energy, I think of power over dynamic. And then I think of the consent piece where it's like, oh, I don't have a say in my own destiny or I don't have a say in. Like I think of that energy to even like someone lying to you. Mm-hmm. Or I feel. This way about like being lied to is that ohh I didn't consent to this dynamic then and it feels violating.

Kibibi

Now I'm. You taking away? My choice? Yes, absolutely. I agree. I agree 1000%.

Rhiannon

Yes. It didn't necessarily feel like, well, I guess there was about, like, respectful. Touching is one thing. Like, what's the difference between being violated and with the man too? It was about like he had been hit or pushed or shoved or, you know, like he hadn't been touched with respect. It was interesting.

Kibibi

Yeah, I thought that was very profound as well, apparently. It's a profound a lot, but. I thought that was so deep, too of like, when you said he's not used to respectful touching. He's not used to being touched respectfully. And I was just like, you know, there have been times where I have said the same thing or have said I'm not used to. This person treating me respectfully, you know, like every time I come around this person, they have nothing respectful to say. So I just don't want to even be around them to just avoid the whole situation as it is. So I feel like control. It's really so disrespectful of the other person. Like you really don't trust that person to make their own decisions, to live their own lives like you feel like you have to be the voice and the conscience and take the reins of everyone's life. Around you and I know that there are. Other people that deal with that all. The time. But I moved here. And I was just so shocked. And dumbfounded that my family was like this, I had no idea and I was like. I have been bamboozled. I don't think I'm away about having moved here. I was like my great grandma bamboozling me. Grown adult like I'm a full adult. Why do you feel the need to control what I'm doing? It literally has nothing to do with you. But I feel like people get so wrapped up. In their image, in whatever way that they feel like they're being seen, that what you do, they feel. Like kind of by proxy goes on to them. People know that you don't like tarot cards, so for me to do it, they know that you have not sanctioned this whatsoever. So it literally has nothing to do with you and no one's gonna look at me and say, well, you know, so and so does all these things behind our backs. And you know this person has evil spirits so. So you know, her daughter has evil spirits and you know she must have them too, or, you know, whatever the case may be, yeah.

Rhiannon

Yeah. Well, if you're not solid and what you who you are, what you are, what you're about, it is really easy to feel like anything around you can tarnish like that. It can splatter on you because in a way, that's like a powerlessness over your own life.

Kibibi

Yes.

Rhiannon

I mean, in a way, it's almost like a victim mentality. If you living your life has any say over my life, then I'm fully giving my power over to you. Exactly. But it's easy to fall into that trap, and it's very hard. To stand in your oath just for you to do your thing is like giving permission forwards and backwards for other people to do the same, which is really powerful, yes. Mm-hmm.

Kibibi

I agree and I guess I never think about it like that. I think I just always think I just don't want to do what everyone else is doing because I look at everyone around me and I'm like, it's not like your life is any worse than mine by any means. But it's also not better. So why would I do all the things that you're doing? With a promise that I'm gonna go to heaven, you know. I'm like, so give me my hand in. Now, thank you I.

Rhiannon

Would appreciate that. Yeah, definitely. It feels like it's coming in. It is your priestess era and that it's time. Yeah, time to to step into it, which is pretty cool.

Kibibi

Yeah. Thank you so much for this experience and has literally been so wonderful.

Rhiannon

Oh yay. I'm so glad. Well and thank you. I just did a reading with you and I feel a little more hopeful than I felt before the reading. And it feels like it's gonna lead to, like, really powerful. I have hope that there are even going to be powerful shifts and not feeling like, oh, the world are burning. You know, so I I really appreciate what you do too. I think that there's something about just opening up possibility that's really profound.

Kibibi

Thank you. I appreciate that so much. I really do.

 

 

 

 

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